Chapter 4 - The New Driving Adventures
It's been over three years since I last written down any of my driving adventures. I've had a
few amusing adventures in the mean time but I've never written them down until now. Since my
last entry, I have moved on to college at Penn State and I even actually own a car now ("the car"
in my old adventures.) In my first year at school, my parents got rid of my friend, the
old van. It wasn't exactly in great shape, not that I blame it after all it's been through,
but my mom got a new car of her own. Which is where I'll start my first entry...
The Honda
January 1999
I wasn't too happy about losing the van that I spent most of my driving in, but I was allowed
to use the Jellybean more since it was no longer considered the "new vehicle". My mom got a new
Honda Accord and it is really sweet. It has a CD player and a moon roof. Not like I'm actually
allowed to drive it or anything...
Well, the Honda hasn't had very good luck. Within the first month, someone hit my mom's new car
while it was parked in the Giant Eagle parking lot. My mom was really mad but not much damage
was done since, well, it's a parking lot... there's not really much you can do except a bump
into a car (or take out your entire exhaust system, but that's another story!)
About a month after the dent was fixed, my mom ran into a deer while driving on some back roads
on the way home. Actually, my mom will tell you that the deer ran into her since the car was hit
from the side. The poor Honda got damaged a little more this time. You could hardly even open
the driver's side door. The only time I was allowed to drive the Honda was before the car got
fixed I was allowed to drive it home from Ebensburg. I was really scared driving an expensive
car that I was unfamiliar with, let alone in the dark and over the mountains. I knew that my
mom would kill me if I wrecked her new car but I guess they figured that if I did do something
to the car, it would need to be fixed anyways.
The Honda also had another parking lot incident about a year later, but I couldn't see my mom's
imaginary scrath marks no matter how hard I looked. I took it into the shop for her anyways so
that the so-called marks could be buffed out.
The Big Honking Truck Story
August 1999
The summer after my freshman year, I had an internship in Monroeville setting up computers. I
was driving the Jellybean on my way to work one afternoon and I had barely made it out of my
neighborhood when I saw a big honking white truck coming down the hill towards me - and it was
partly on my side of the road. Well, there wasn't really much I could do about it since there was
a hill on my other side and my town doesn't believe in shoulders (or "burms", as some people from
Pittsburgh like to refer to them.) So all I could do was slow down and pray that the truck
wouldn't hit me. The jerk refused to move though and ended up hitting the side of the poor
Jellybean. Lucky for me, the most damage that was done was the glass in the collapsable mirror
fell out, but the collapsable part worked rather well. My family is rather good at destroying
those side mirrors. It was a pretty scary incident for me though. To this day I still have a
fear of big honking white trucks, whether I'm driving or not.
My Own Car
September 2000
After driving for over three years, I finally have a car that I can
call my own. It's over 10 years old and has been in my family for that
long but it's all mine now. Of course, Laura is still claiming it as
"hers" since she doesn't like the Jellybean after a certain incident
and she can't drive either of the new cars. I also have no idea how
to take care of a car, so this could be quite interesting...
A Long Ride Home
October 2000
It's fall break and Chris is moving out of school since he had trouble
getting financial aid so he's taking the rest of the year off. He
loaded all of his belongings into his Chevy Citation and headed for
home with our friend Brownie. I left just a few minutes later with my
sister. Since it was fall break, nearly everyone on campus (and it's
a huge campus) was getting the heck out of there so we ended up sitting
in a lot of traffic on our way to the interstate. We made a stop in
Altoona to pick up Jessica Simpson (no, not the Jessica Simpson,
just a friend who happens to have the same name.) By the time we got to
Altoona, it was rush hour and we had to sit through even more traffic.
An hour later, we were back on our way home. We experienced a little
more traffic than usual and by the time we got close to home I just
wanted to get out of the car. Jessie called her mom and told her that
she would be home soon. Her mom said that she was taking some people
out to the Penn Trafford homecoming parade. A few minutes later, Jessie
had this great sortcut that we could take so, since I wanted to get
home already, I figured that would be the best way to go. While taking
this shortcut, the area starting looking familiar and then I asked
Jessie, "Wait a minute, isn't this Penn Trafford." Jessie
totally forgot about the parade so we had to sit in that town for a
half hour before I got Jessie home. When I finally got home, nearly 5
hours after leaving school, Chris wondered where I went off to since
he got there about 2 hours earlier.
Death of Cy
October 2000
Chris came up to school to visit me with Laura's boyfriend, Matt, in Chris' car,
which he calls Cy. Chris' car was pretty old at this point. When Laura first rode
in it, she said "Dude, your car is older than me!" And poor Cy had put up with his
share of abuse (not like I can say anything about abusing cars.) While Chris was driving
over the Cresson Mountains, his car decided that it wasn't gonna put up with this
abuse anymore and its transmission went. Since they were on the mountains, there was
absolutely no signs of life for the next ten miles, at least. So they started walking
but after a little bit a car stopped for them. Inside was a couple who said they were on their
way to Altoona, but they gave Chris and Matt a ride all the way to State College. They didn't
even want anything in return. Thank you, Buchannans, wherever you are. :)
Another Long Ride Home
November 2000
One lovely fall weekend, my sister and I decided to come home on some
random weekend. We were only a couple miles away from campus when we
heard on the radio that there was a big accident and they had to close
the road while they cleaned up. We had just passed the road that they mentioned on the
radio, so we figured that we'd be ok. Well, they must've mentioned
the wrong road because a few minutes later, we became a part of a
7 mile long line of cars. It was dark by that point and there was only
fields out there, so there wasn't much to keep us amused. After about
45 minutes my sister broke down and went nuts, or at least more nuts
than usual. She picked up the cell phone and called people at random, saying
"I'm in hell!!!" The phone kept us occupied for about another half
hour so after that we started making fun of everything. They had
recently put up some new signs that are extremely stupid and pointless,
but at least they kept us amused for a while. They said dumb things
like "Slow down, save a life" and "Watch for aggressive drivers."
Everytime we saw any signs of life, Laura would shout out "I SEE
SNAPPY'S!!!" (Snappy's is a gas station right before the interstate,
a key landmark for PSU students.) Of course, Laura saw about 8 Snappy's
before we saw the real one. We also got excited when we saw simple
things such as a guardrail.
Over two hours after leaving school, we finally reached the interstate
(which is only about 15 miles from campus.) However, our troubles
weren't over yet. We still had about 100 more miles to cover. Once we
reached the Cresson Mountains, my mom called and I was talking to her
for a little bit. I forgot that these mountains tend to have high
crosswinds and, of course, they didn't let me down today. While I had
one hand on the wheel and talking to my mom, the wind started blowing
my car off the road so I yelled out "Oh crap!" and steered the car
back onto the road with one hand.
After passing through Ebensburg, we had a few other delightful
mountains to cross. They're usually pretty fun to drive on, as long as
you're not behind a big honking truck, but instead we had the
added excitement of fog. I passed through some heavy fog twice before I
got home and the only thing I could see during that time was the
relector strips in the middle of the road. So I had to cross the
mountains with those tiny strips as my guide. Not fun. The total time
of this trip ended up being over five hours.
Driving on Thin Ice
December 2000
On my way home for Christmas break, Chris drove my car home since I was exhausted from finals
week and my parents followed us in my dad's new SUV (a Subaru Forrester) since there was a
possibility of a snow storm. When we got on Route 66, it started raining a little but we figured
that we would be ok since it was just rain. On our way up the exit ramp, Chris was going a little
faster than usual and the gentle rain had turned into a sheet of ice, unbeknownst to us. Well,
my car isn't exactly the best car for winter driving, especially compared to the Subaru with its
fancy rear differential stuff and heated seats (ok, the seats are irrelevant to the situation...
I just wanted to mention how jealous I am of my dad's car.) Anyways, my car didn't like the ice
very much and decided that it wanted to bounce off a barrier and skid halfway over another
barrier.
By this time, the Subaru was out of sight so while I was searching frantically for my
dad's cell phone number, Chris decided that he was going to push the car and not consider
the fact that since it was icy there wasn't any friction to keep the car on the barrier. So
the car slid down the barrier, with me inside it, and we slid back and forth until the car was
thoroughly lodged in the toll booth lane. At this time, my parents decided to show up and my dad
goes "That looks like our car" and my mom answers "I think that is our car."
We called AAA so that they could tow our car but they said that since we were technically
still on the turnpike that we would have to call them. Another couple of feet and we would've
been off the turnpike. So we called them and they said that they were dealing with incidents that
had injuries first so it would be a while. While we were waiting around, in the middle of an ice
storm nonetheless, a bunch of people passed us and I figured that they would have some not so
nice words for us since we were blocking the only toll booth lane for cars. But just about
everyone stopped and asked if we needed help and one of them helped us get my car out of the
lane. So we went to drive my car to the nearest parking lot so that it would be out of the way
but as soon as we reached Route 30 my car stopped working again, this time for good. Since we
were not on the turnpike anymore, the turnpike tow truck couldn't help us so we had to call AAA
again.
While waiting for the second tow truck, we skated over to Wendy's and they let us hang out
there, even though they were technically closed. About an hour or so later, the second tow truck came along
and took my car to the parking lot. We didn't arrive home until after midnight, since traffic
was backed up from numerous accidents that night. It was my longest time getting home so far (and
I've had some really long rides home this year.) The next day, we went out to check the damage
done to my car and amazingly the only external damage done was a tire was busted (which I guess
took most of the initial impact from hitting the barrier) and the side mirror was gone. The
mirror wasn't a major loss since we've had bad luck with that mirror many times before. My mom used to have
the habit of knocking that mirror off when parking the car in the garage and the last time my dad
just glued it back on instead of getting it fixed. So my mirror was replaced for the third time.
Mass Vandalism at Penn State
March 16, 2001
Just when you think people at PSU couldn't get any more idiotic, they come up with an even better
idiot. One night, a bunch of idiots got together and decided it would be fun to go out to the
student lot and mess up people's cars. I read about the incident in the school newspaper the next
morning and I couldn't believe it. I figured that my car was probably safe since we usually park
it near the dorms, but then I remembered that Laura had the car out the night before and she
said that she had to park it as far from campus as possible, since all of the other spaces were
taken. I wasn't feeling too good the rest of the day.
Later that day, I had to take my car out so I went out to the parking lot with my sister to see
if any damage was done. It was even scarier actually walking through the lot then it was reading
about it. We saw a lot of cars with windows smashed out, parts ripped off, and then we walked
past the crowning achievement of the idiots - they actually set one of the cars on fire. All
that was left was a burned out shell. We couldn't even tell what kind of a car it was.
By the time we found my car, I was getting more and more scared. But I was relieved when we
first spotted my car, it looked like it hadn't been touched. Then I went around to the driver's
side and noticed that the tires were flat and the hubcaps were missing. I was so mad at those idiots!
But I suppose it could've been worse.
I still had to drive my car though. I figured it wouldn't be bad since I didn't have too far to
go but I ended up getting stuck in some mud. It's hard to get out of mud when your tires are low
on air! My poor car struggled for several minutes to get out of there. I thought I was never gonna
make it, but I eventually got out. Unfortunately, my car was covered with mud by the time I got
back to school.
Car Care, For Dummies
March 18, 2001
My sister and I went out to the nearest gas station to fill up the tires with air. Neither of
us have put air in tires before so we stood in front of my car and wondered how much air to put
in the tires. Maybe it's 30... or 15... or 20... Well, instead of continuing guessing random
numbers, we tried looking in my car through over 10 years of paperwork (EVERYTHING gets
thrown in there) but we couldn't find anything resembling an owners manual. We decided to call
home and ask our dad how much air to put in and he told us that the number we're looking for is
32. It took us a while to figure out how to work the air machine, but we eventually got the tires
looking back to normal.
We then went out to the nearest WalMart to get a tire gauge for my car. On the way over, my
sister tried putting down the window to get the mud off her window. My car has power windows and
soon after my family first got the car, the passenger window stopped working. So it got fixed but later
it broke again so my dad decided not to bother with it anymore. That window hasn't worked for at
least 5 years, if not longer, but when my sister went to put down the window, it actually went
down! I'm not really sure why it up and decided to start working after so long, but I'm just glad
that it did.
Anyways, we got to the WalMart and wondered aimlessly around the car section looking for a tire
gauge. We eventually gave up and asked one of the friendly WalMart assistants. We also picked up
some wipes since my car was still muddy and we couldn't find a car wash anywhere in the State
College area. I also got a smiley face antenna decoration to cheer my car up. We went to check
the air pressure in my tires but everytime we checked, we ended up getting a different number.
Well, we were just glad the tires had air in them so we went on our merry way. When we got back
to school, we tried wiping the dirt off my car but needless to say that didn't work very well.
The Colt
July 2001
Not too long after Chris came home from boot camp, he was tired of not having a car. I was glad
to give him a ride in my car before, but he was working for his dad in Mt. Pleasant for the
summer which is a half hour away from where I live. So Chris bought a Dodge Colt from a local
dealer. It was a manual, which was interesting in itself. Everytime he shifted from first, the
car would jolt and the tires would squeel. It was a big car, so Chris figured that we could use
it when moving into our new house in State College next month. But after he bought the car, he
found out the back hatch wouldn't open. It wouldn't help us much for moving if the back wouldn't
open up, so three weeks later he finally figured out a way to get it open. That very day, on his
way to pick me up something went in the engine while he was on the turnpike. His luck kicked in
one more time, and he saw someone near where he pulled off who looked lost. The lost guy was
looking for Philadelphia, which is in the opposite direction. So Chris said that he'd tell the
guy how to get in the right direction if he could get a ride to the next exit. I rescued him
from that point, which wasn't too far away from my house. We went back later to check out what
happened to his car, and it turns out that there was absolutely no oil in it. And he just got
an oil change at Walmart two days before. Hmmm... definitely suspicious. Unfortunately, we
couldn't prove anything and the engine was beyond repair. That car lasted for a whole three
weeks... way to go.
Brake Care, For Dummies
August 2001
Near the end of the summer, Chris and I decided to do something fun for a change so I took a day
off work and we went out to Kennywood (a local amusement
park) with some friends. On our way out there, I started to hear a funny noise whenever I'd push
the brakes and it just kept on getting worse and worse. We couldn't figure out what exactly it
was, but the brakes were definitely the culprit. I took it easy and made it out there and back.
It turns out that the rotors were worn out, or something like that. Funny thing about brakes is
that they need replaced every so often.
Oil Care, For Dummies
August 2001
Not too long before the brake incident, I noticed the my oil light was flickering. Actually, my sister
noticed it since the light is placed so that the driver can't possibly see it. I asked my dad
what I should do, and he said that my car tends to lose oil so I have to keep on putting more in
it. Nice of him to tell me this a year after he gives me the car. He told me how to check the oil
so I went out to the garage to try it out. I checked the dipstick, but it was so old that you
can't read it anymore. I gave up after a few tries. My wiper fluid light had been on all summer,
so I figured that I should get something accomplished while I had the hood up. I thought this
would be easy, all I have to do is dump some of that blue stuff into the hole. So I looked and
looked but I couldn't find that darn windsheild cap thing. So I gave in and asked my dad to help.
It turns out that the stupid cap was in a weird place, I swear! Then he looked at the dipstick
and said it needed about a quart of oil. I'm not too sure how he came up with that, so I figured
that would be Chris' department for now on.
When I talked to Chris about my adventures with oil, he asked me when was the last time I had an
oil change. I said, "um... an oil what???" Funny thing about oil is that it needs changed every
so often. Something like 3,000 miles... I forget already. So I had the oil changed while the
brakes were being fixed. I was sure not to have it done at Walmart.
Tire Care, For Dummies
October 2001
While I was at home for fall break, I was driving home and I went around a corner but a car was
stopped to make a left turn so I had to stop pretty fast. Instead of stopping as I expected, my
car started sliding towards the car in front of me and my car was smelling kinda funky. That's
not right, I thought. And the stupid guy just sat there and watched me sliding instead of making
the turn. Fortunately, I was able to stop in time. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, since
the brakes were recently replaced. I consulted with Chris later and after thinking about it for
a while I realized that I replaced two of the tires after the vandalism incident but the other
two were probably getting old. We went out to look at them and they were indeed quite worn.
Funny thing about tires is that you need to replace them before they get so worn down that you
might as well be driving on ice. But being the nice person that he is, Chris got new tires for
me since I let him drive my car to work.
Will the Real Acclaim Please Stand Up?
November 2001
Funny thing about the Plymouth Acclaim is that every other person at PSU has one. Well, it isn't
quite that bad but it felt like it sometimes whenever I would search for my car in the student
lots last year. Since Laura and I both used it, my car wouldn't necessarily be in the same spot
that I left it. So I figured that when I was looking for a red Acclaim then I'd check the
lisence plate. The first three letters on mine spelled "DAD" and I figured that I was the only
one with a stupid plate like that. But after a few weeks my sister spotted another Acclaim with
a "DAD" plate. After struggling with this issue for a while, we figured a way to make our
Acclaim unique and Walmart was our answer. We went to our local Walmart on our way back home
one day and we bought funny seat covers for my car and a steering wheel cover. But that didn't
quite work out too well either since we'd have to look inside the car to identify it so we later
got a smiley face antenna decoration.
I don't have to park in the student lots anymore since I live off campus now but I'm still proud
of my Acclaim's uniqueness. But one day I went out to our local Burger King and parked right
next to a red Acclaim with the same smiley face antenna decoration. So much for being unique.
Mmm... Roadkill
December 2001
We spent the entire winter break without any car incidents. However, the ride back to school was
a different story. The day that we left I got my car inspected and it passed. We though about
waiting til morning to go back, but Chris had to work the next day and it was supposed to snow
so we wanted to get ahead of the storm. My dad told me that we shouldn't go over the mountains
in the dark, but we went anyways. I think that my dad jinxed us. While we were going over the
first round of mountains, the car suddenly filled with smoke and we pulled over. My first thought
was that the engine exploded or something but then I looked over and saw the culprit - the
airbag went off. We got out of the car pretty quickly since we were suffocating in there and we
opened up the doors to air the car out. Since it was winter, it was pretty cold out. And since
we were on the mountains, it was freakin cold out. Chris told me that he thought he hit an
animal. Funny... I didn't even feel a jolt. He went out to search for whatever we hit and we
eventually found something that was either a mean looking dog or a wolf. Either way, I was glad
that it was dead. The Acclaim was the definite winner in this battle. The turn signal light was
smashed and the side was a little dented, but that was about it. Chris cut out the pathetic
excuse for an airbag and we were on our way again. Good thing I got the car inspected before
the incident.
Death of the Acclaim
January 2001
A few days later, Chris had to go to Ebensburg for drill and his only way out there was my car,
so I let him take it out even though the turn signal wasn't fixed yet. I had a bad feeling
about the car, so I made him take my cell phone just in case. About an hour later I get a call
from Chris. The engine started making a funny noise while he was on the Cresson Mountains. Not
that place again... I swear it's like a Bermuda triangle for cars. So I called AAA and I got
some really mean lady. I told her the best I could where my car was, but she said that she needed
the exact town so that she could enter it into her stupid computer. I said "hey lady... this is
a freakin mountain we're talking about. There are no towns out there!" After a bit of arguing,
she tells me that she can't help me since I'm not with my car. What a meanie (oops... that's my
sister's catch phrase. Don't tell her I said that!)
So, Chris had a tow truck take my car back to our house at school and it has been sitting there
ever since. It still runs kinda, but it sounds like there's something loose inside the engine.
I had the head gasket replaced and we figure that the idiots didn't know what they were doing
and messed up something inside the engine. I didn't come up with this theory, of course. I'm the
one who didn't know about oil changes until a year after owning a car, remember?
Now that my car is dead, there probably won't be any more adventures for a while.